The Internet – Totesrealnews, a totally reliable news site, came into the world at approximately 2 p.m. EDT on Sunday, May 21 2016. Its parents, Mischief and Shenanigans, could not be reached for comment.
TotesRealNews’ birth size is one of near invisibility, but it is expected to grow at least a little bit, fueled and fed by totally honest news-pedding not dissimilar to the upstanding journalism which can be found all over your aunt’s Facebook feed. With levels of journalistic integrity which Horace Greeley could not criticize unless he is a ghost and has nothing better to do than hate on fledgling news sites, TotesRealNews will say things using words that are real words. Honest words. Because the words are real and honest, then the news articles put together using those words will be honest as well.
Of course they will be honest. The news is not only totes real, but it will be found on the internet, which makes it at least as reliable as most other news you can find on the internet. If, for whatever reason, you believe the contents of TotesRealNews articles to be less then reliable, then you should definitely not forward these complaints to the complaints department because there is none and will be none. Instead, it is recommended for you to tell as many people as possible about this failure to purvey accurate information, making sure to provide links to the offending articles in social media posts, blog articles, and wherever else you deem appropriate.
There should be no need to complain, however, as TotesRealNews is totes real.
*Editor’s note: What was once called “TotesRealNews” is now “SuchRealNews.” The news is just as real as it always was, and where it says “Totesreal” in the text this can be mentally replaced with “suchreal” or “veryreal” or left as it is. But due to the high journalistic integrity of SuchRealNews, and definitely not laziness, all references to the previous name within articles will remain unchanged.