The Internet – Mike Wesson, a top pitching prospect for an organization which has been asked not to be named due to embarrassment, has been released by his team due to attitude problems.
Wesson, 23, was expected to get his big league call-up in mid-July, but now he is expected to find something else to do after turning in one of the most unexpectedly terrible performances in Pacific Coast League history. Wesson saw his season ERA balloon from under two to over four during two thirds of an inning, in which he got shelled for ten runs.
Wesson, who had been highly touted by scouts for his fastball routinely hitting over 95 on the radar gun, and for his above-average curveball and slider, threw his first pitch right over the middle of the plate at 85 mph, and continued throwing the same pitch until his manager yanked him ten runs later.
When asked what was responsible for his performance, Wesson explained: “All these guys I’m facing, they’re professional hitters. They’re being paid to kill the ball. And they’re determined to do just that, so no matter what I do they’re going to find a way to get a hit at least some of the time. So there is no reason to make matters more difficult for myself, or for the good guys on my team, who would have a much easier time doing what they’re supposed to do if everyone pitched the same way as I did today.”
Wesson’s manager followed this with a profanity-laced tirade, insisting anyone thinking like this should get their head checked and probably be fired immediately.
As of press time, numerous members of Congress were observed thinking in a manner similar to that of Mr. Wesson, but there was no indication that they would be subject to psychiatric evaluation or firing.