The Internet – According to a report from the ethereal, heavenly plane, Baby Jesus has not been nearly as sweet as many people seem to think he is.
Like many babies, the mood of Baby Jesus has reportedly turned sour with little notice and little apparent reason. Years ago, his nurse Jennifer was late with his bottle, which upset Baby Jesus far more than anything which occurs on Earth, and the Holy Baby has been causing bad luck for random Jennifers ever since, although he’s expected to get over it soon because Nurse Jenny has been perfect since the Late Milk Incident. The Jennifers of the world can only hope.
There has also been conflict between Adult Jesus and Baby Jesus. Reports do not indicate any violence or loud hostility on Adult Jesus’s part, but Adult Jesus has expressed disappointment that people often seem to be more concerned with Baby Jesus’s opinion, even though Baby Jesus is an eternal baby and barely understands anything. In response to this, their Father explained how many are drawn to Baby Jesus because he is seen as embodying the innocence they wish to see more of in the world. Also, while many religious conservatives don’t agree with many of the teachings of Adult Jesus, it’s hard to argue with a baby.
The report concluded with an account of Baby Jesus throwing his diaper across the room because it was “yucky”, and then laughing hysterically when the diaper hit Adult Jesus in the chest, staining the white shirt Adult Jesus is always wearing.