The Internet – The 2016 Green Party ticket, which is dedicated to electing Jill Stein as President of the United States of America, has suffered a setback due to its recent diagnosis of political herpes.
Political herpes, unlike regular herpes, is not caused by a virus and does not include physical symptoms. However, once a campaign catches political herpes, then people are advised to be wary of getting too attached to that campaign, because if a party spreads PH via the voting booth, then this can make life quite painful for those affected, and those around people with PH. The pain will not be physical pain, but it will be painful nonetheless, and the results could be extremely ugly.
The doctors who made this diagnosis, who some call political doctors and some call political spin doctors and some call made-up people who don’t exist, are very firm in their warnings against putting oneself in danger of catching political herpes. They acknowledge that it is easy to feel brokenhearted after a disappointing primary season, and it is natural to react to a broken political heart by looking for a rebound with an attractive campaign such as that of Jill Stein. Feeling such an attraction is not harmful by itself, but acting on this attraction in the voting booth can lead to a devastating case of political herpes.
Upon learning of the diagnosis, the Stein campaign was stunned, as they believed themselves to have acted in the sort of morally upstanding manner which should not have left them susceptible to any political diseases. And perhaps they did nothing terribly wrong, nothing worse than some inflammatory rhetoric delivered out of passion and unwillingness to make difficult compromises, but the fact remains. The Stein campaign has political herpes, and is expected to still have political herpes on Election Day.
Although it is unlikely, this case of political herpes can be cured if Donald Trump drops out of the presidential race and is replaced by a moderate Republican candidate whose presidency would not pose a significant and terrifying danger to the country and the world. In the case of such an eventuality, the warning to stay away would be lifted, but it cannot be stressed enough that if Ted Cruz or Mike Pence becomes the nominee then the Stein campaign will not be cured of its political herpes.
The Gary Johnson campaign has not tested positive for political herpes, because it has not been tested at all, as its strong belief in personal liberty has led it to refuse such testing. Therefore, it is recommended to treat that campaign as if it has political herpes until proven otherwise.
It is also highly recommended to avoid an Election Day relationship with the Donald Trump campaign, as it has an incurable case of political syphilis. And political diarrhea.