The top-secret band Deep State, which is the musical arm of the mysterious yet powerful and totally real entity of the same name, will release its first album tomorrow morning. And this album is going to be the top album in the United States next week.
There is no previous public record of this album, simply titled Songs of the Deep State, even existing, let alone selling any copies through pre-orders, but it will sell a lot of copies. Enough to easily take the top position on the Billboard Top 200. This is not a guess. This is not speculative. This is a fact. The Deep State Organization wants to use this album to openly raise money for its secret projects, so Songs of the Deep State is going to go platinum almost immediately. Maybe you won’t buy the album, and maybe no one you know will buy the album, but the album will be bought and played enough to be very successful whether you ever hear any of the songs or not.
Despite the track list being just as secret as the album’s upcoming release, Totes Real News has managed to procure not only the names of the songs on the album, but also the order in which these songs will appear. Here is the list:
- No Change – w/Blind Melon
- Regulate (Deep State Remix) – w/Warren G & Nate Dogg
- If I Were A Rich Man (Then I’d Simply Be Myself) – w/Zero Mostel
- Secret Government – w/Johnny Rivers
- Status Quo – w/Idina Menzel
- It’s All Been Rigged – w/Barenaked Ladies
- How It’s Going To Be (We Know & You Don’t) – w/Third Eye Blind
- International Trade – w/Pitbull & Chris Brown
- Song 4 Dancing – w/Pitbull & The Chainsmokers
- 2 Many Cooks – w/Pitbull, The Chainsmokers, DJ Khaled, DJ Snake, Alessia Cara, Zedd, Rihanna, Kanye West, Fifth Harmony, Bob Dylan, Blue Ivy Carter, Harry Styles, Psy, Lil’ Mumble Swears, A Crying Baby, Barack Obama & Gordon Ramsay
The last two songs are supposed to be the radio hits, and they will be radio hits. People like dancing, and a song called “Song 4 Dancing” is sure to make them dance. It is also well-established that the more famous people are featured on a dance track, the more successful it will be. There has never been a pop record featuring Barack Obama which has not reached #1 on the charts, and the Deep State is powerful enough to avoid breaking that streak. It is also powerful enough to avoid the lawsuits which would normally be incurred by using music and vocals from pre-existing tracks without permission.
The Deep State, as all conspiracy enthusiasts are aware, is powerful enough to do just about anything. Anything except prevent an obnoxious TV host and hotel developer from becoming president, but even the Deep State has its limits. This totally real album, on the other hand, will sell an unlimited and nearly infinite amount of copies.
Unless the Deep State decides to keep its profile low and not sell any at all.