Hades Requests Next Gods’ Meeting Be Held In Tartarus

Hades, the Greek god of the Underworld, expressed great displeasure at the most recent gods’ meeting about all of these conferences being held either at Mt. Olympus or some remote island controlled by Poseidon, none of which are convenient for him. As an alternative, he requested the next meeting be held underground at his Hades Tartarus property.

Hades Tartarus is by far Hades’ lowest-rated property, and perhaps the most unpopular locale in the world, with 97 percent of reviewers giving it two stars or less, and 90 percent giving it the lowest possible rating.

Tartarus has been widely panned for its insect problem, with roaches spanning in size from fifty pound behemoths to small enough to crawl into any bodily orifice. There are also many bedbugs, which is surprising considering the beds are uneven stone tablets.

The staff is widely hated, with one security guard called Cerberus garnering a reputation for extreme unfriendliness. Guests are also unhappy with the leisure activities, which consist of such pastimes as trying to eat a grape that is just out of reach. Guests also have the option to push a stone up a hill which is too steep at the top to push anything up it, and then the rock rolls down and crushes them, and it’s not really a choice.

The staff has been asked to change the activity schedule for thousands of years, but the only changes are the addition of new terrible things to do, like writing a book which was promised a publication deal and having the manuscript simultaneously combust while handing the only copy to the publisher. There’s also a new one where you’re at a party but all the drinks are toothpaste-infused and the bouncers will attack you if you say any word that isn’t considered millennial slang, of if you go three minutes without yeeting.

Despite the horrible reputation of Hades Tartarus, its proprietor talked it up as “unique” and “a sprawling property with many unoccupied hilltops.” But he could not be reached for comment when asked if he was going to be taking a cut of Charon’s toll, which is expected to be significant when dozens of gods each have to pay a gold coin to cross the River Styx.

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