Tennessee Teenager in Trouble For Witchcraft

A high school junior from Nashville, Tennessee is in hot water after shouting the killing curse at his Spanish teacher on the first day of school. He has not only been suspended indefinitely, but he has also been charged with attempted murder.

The student, whose name has been withheld because he is a minor, is being charged as an adult for his crime even though the alleged target does not want the child to be arrested. Ms. Linda Davis, 41, could not be reached for further comment, but according to law enforcement she is not cooperating with the investigation.

According to sources who were there at the time, the class was reviewing some grammatical topics covered last year, and Ms. Davis asked her student to tell her the first person singular form of mirar, which means to look, in the simple past tense. The student said miró, which is incorrect, so Ms. Davis told this student he’d be losing a participation point, which is worth about one percent of one percent of his final grade.

Apparently unhappy with being punished for misremembering a verb conjugation so early in the year, the student picked up his pen and shouted “avada kedavra,” which is known as the killing curse. Ms. Davis was unharmed, possibly since she picked up her own pen and shouted “expelliarmus,” after which the student lurched back as if thrown by magical force and almost the entire class laughed for about three seconds before getting back to the lesson.

Not everyone was laughing, however, and one student told the principal after class, who in turn told the superintendent, and the superintendent was not laughing. Witchcraft is no laughing matter. Even the suspicion of witchcraft has cost lives in the past, and the way things are going it could easily happen again. And when it is violent witchcraft instead of the more mischievous variety, then it could be met with the full force of the law. Which is currently no force at all, as long as judges are not totally incompetent, but sometimes they are.

Not only is the student in trouble for this incident, but Ms. Davis has been put on administrative leave due to her own apparent use of witchcraft. Even though it is believed her quick thinking saved her from certain death, the seven-volume spellbook disguised as a young adult fantasy series is not to be allowed in this school district under any circumstances. A good guy with Harry Potter could stop a bad guy with Harry Potter, but more likely they will make a mistake and turn innocent bystanders into frogs or worse. The risks far outweigh the potential benefits. If a teacher wants to defend against witchcraft, it may not be done with witchcraft.

It will have to be done with guns.

One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s